Dear Cara,You betcha I've done my best -- from my opening night speech at the Clue Klux Klan rally in Minnesota, when I was introduced to the American public (which really energized the base, I must add) to pardoning a turkey.
So, Cara, tell me -- why am I so stupid?
Your pal,
Sarah P.
Dear Sarah,
Maybe it's all the moose meat you've consumed or maybe you've lost a lot of oxygen from screaming at your daughters to stop getting pregnant. I'm not sure exactly HOW you've gotten to be so f**kin' stupid, but gosh darn it - you certainly are a moron.
Here's my recommendation --- if you're asking me for advice --- drop the 'folksy' act (nobody buys it), read something other than Hunting Weekly and please, please, please do not wink. It makes you look like Shirley Temple --- except Shirley Temple actually HAS a successful political career. You, on the other hand, will fade into oblivion with nothing but a fake smile and that Dr. Pepper you claim was the only thing you asked for during the presidential campaign (Too bad you couldn't keep all those expensive suits. At least they made you look smart.).
Love,
Cara
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